My mother loved me, but I didn't know it.
Was hidden in the daily grind of keeping it all together.
Days when I stood small and
insecure at seeing a madness in the everyday.
So I journeyed away, to play in fields that lay across the road,
to hills and pines, to still and flowing water.
Endless days of treasure seeking
to what lay in my heart.
My mother's love came in distinctive ways.
Polished the days dirt off the shoes last thing at night.
All seven pairs left outside bedroom doors.
Left shining for a new day.
Baked apples filled with raisons, topped with sugar.
There was love in that.
But I didn't know it.
And the chicken soup made of an old hen that boiled for hours.
The serving of it made her smile, eyes shine,
She boiled too with rage, being in a cage
named a women's lot that holds few nostalgic moments.
Her outpourings soaked my veins.
We battled.
There was no gain in it.
No victors march.
Her throwing dishes at my Da was not madness,
It was her not being seen, known
for the woman's heart and
soul that knows without words or logos.
Knows a round world where lines run like a river.
Sees beauty in the everyday.
Hers to nurture.
Pictures vivid in my mind with the repetition of seeing them.
Her walking up the road with the weekly shopping load.
Nearly dropping with the weight of it.
Meals made gave her joy, tiredness.
Gave us strong constitutions.
Clockwork and creative she was.
If a man, would have run a factory,
made a great profit. We'd have been rich.
But skill cannot be hidden or suppressed.
It pours into wherever it finds itself.
Ma had great skills -
could make something out of nothing, anything.
Be it an argument, fish, chicken, lemons, paint.
There was a richness in her.
Artistic passions ran deep.
Richness made more richness -
Made richness in me.
My siblings too.
My mother loved me, but I didn't know it,
Got hidden in the daily grind of keeping it all together.
Then love came it did, came down another road
that knows only loves freedom song.
Frees the child that hurts.
Sets the rivers free.
The sun to rise above the trees.
The shore to meet the sea.
My Mother Loved Me, But I Didn't Know It.
2009 ©